Just when you think you've got it all worked out...

The ensuing blog is a re-post from my myspace page.

Original post date: Tuesday, March 27, 2007

As I grow in life in one area, I realize just how immature I was in not only in that area, but in all others. I attended a great women's meeting at church this weekend, and realized just how much I've grown in the last year, which was both scary and gratifying. It left me with both a sense of accomplishment and dread. I thought the the thought that is unthinkable, "what if?" What if I had not come to the realization a year ago that my life was headed toward a dead end? What if I had not done a 180 degree turn and gotten "back" on track? What if I fall? What if I soar? What if I'm still not where I think I am? What if I am? What if I God's plan is more extreem than I thought? What if it isn't? What if I choke? What if I don't? What if I don't hear his voice clearly? What if I do? Can I live up to all that I am meant to be? The answer my friends is no. Not through my own strength. Not alone. Not without Him and all of those who pick me up, dust me off, and slap me if I need it. I WILL NOT GO BACK!!!! I WILL NOT SECOND GUESS!!!! For what I learned is that I am truely LOVED! That thing I've been seeking that was so elusive was always there. It was right in front of me and inside of me. I only had to shut up and listen. I only had to say "yes" instead on "no." I only had to keep moving forward, not back. I only had to listen to the glorious truth instead of the evil lies. I only had to believe it and it was mine. Now, nothing else matters. That doesn't mean that I don't have to hit the refresh and delete buttons in my head every morning just to keep on going. I know now that life is a journey with no destination. Hopefully the scenery keeps getting better and I don't make a wrong turn and keep roundabout. I know I have to focus my gaze upward and let Him lead. I know that if I focus only on my desires that I will end up with nothing comparatively because the true plan for my life is greater than I can fathom! So I laid it all down. All of the pain, all of the self-doubt, all of the evil thoughts, all of the hatred, all of the guilt, all of the pride, all of the glory, all of the ideals, all of the lies, and all of the regrets. He picked me up, dusted me off, and slapped me! I now see more clearly! I am a LOVED!!!