A new beginning!!!!

The ensuing blog is a re-post from my myspace page.

Original post date: Saturday, November 03, 2007

Ok, so most of you who know me, know that I've stuggled with my weight for 20 years. In the last few months I have very clearly heard the Lord prompting me to work on it and to let go. If you know me, you also know I'm a bit of a control freak, and the letting go is the hardest part. I've been deep in prayer on this for months. Every service, ever time I have quiet time in the word, every spiritual conversation, every conversation period, seems to be leading me back to this one BIG question: "What's holding you back?" The answer is FEAR. Fear of the unknown. In rescent study I have confirmed that fear is not from God, and should be pushed aside for a Godly emotion, that of HOPE. The easy answer for my need for change in this area is I HATE BEIGN FAT!!! There I said it. I'm not happy with the way I look, or feel, and I know that if something doesn't change, I will never be happy and will probably have horrible medical problems as a result of my weight. The more important part of this need for change is that I know I'm not living as the woman God intended me to be. There as aspects of my personality and talents I have never even explored all because I didn't believe that as the "fat girl" I could succeed. Until about 2 years ago I was miserable in my entire life, not just this area, and reconnecting with the Lord solved most of those issues, but I've still been holding on to this. Its the area of my life I'm most ashamed of, that most grieves me, and honestly, that most affects me. I have discussed pieces of my struggle with most of my friends, and have prayed to have this weight literally lifted fom my shoulders, and once while sitting in church during a service I clearly heard the Lord say "LET IT GO." I still held on, but my grip has gotten looser, every day since. A close friend turned me on to a radical medical weight loss program which I checked out. I found that at this point in time, it is not for me. I was momentarilly discouraged, but didn't give up. So, what's the answer? Weight Watchers. I did it before and lost more than 40 lbs, so I thought, why not. Why will it be different this time? Because this time I have the Lord on my side! The stakes are much higher because it is not just for a superficial reason that I make this change. I am burying my spiritual light under all of this flesh! YUCK! So, today was the first day of the rest of my life as the woman GOD says I am! Its not about being thin, getting a man, or pleasing the world with my appearance. Its about becoming who GOD says I am. As a thinner more healthy me, I will have the confidence to say and do what the Lord prompts me to. I will realize certain things in my life that I hadn't expereinced before because my size heald me back. Most importantly, I will have a testimony that cannot be denied! A reason to shout His praises for all the world to hear and see! Hallelujah! Praise be to the Lord! I am FREEEEEEEEE!!!!!! Amen!